40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (April 19, 2025)

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  • 01
    gngsta bae @zornne "stalking" God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources 4:38 PM 4/10/25 3.5M Views 285 137K 192K ☐ 7.8K
  • 02
    Big Tucson Dad @BigTucsonDad Please Mr Bull, not right now, we have a lot going on Pitbull @pitbull. 13h The word impossible says I'M POSSIBLE. . 7:45 PM 4/2/25 801K Views 60 14K 34K 648 企
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    poppa @popitforpoppa if you ever need me, i'm always just 3 missed. calls and 2 text messages away 11:26 AM · 4/10/25 472K Views 25 4.3K 19K ☐ 733
  • 04
    cold @coldhealing You don't see magnets on fridges too much anymore. Everyone wants to see smooth gray metal, unburdened by the weight of all the vacations they've been on 3:42 PM 4/10/25 212K Views 122 17 707 12K ☐ 316
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    DID NORMANI RELEASE THE VISUALS? @vahngotti When the downstairs neighbors argument sound good asf
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    Pastor Kyle. @itsqail Mocktails are an insane concept tbh here's a cup of juice for $19 2:15 PM 4/3/25 894K Views • 87 4.5K 47K ☐ 609 ↑
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    big honkin caboose @itsbighonkin my hot take is if you're about to miss your turn or your exit you should simply miss it and redirect, don't brake in traffic or fly across four lanes of highway it is NOT that serious . 11:52 PM 4/5/25 1.3M Views 365 176.3K 87K 1.1K 企
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    ronnie @redfieldcooper I took my son to watch the Minecraft movie & he was like this the whole time 2:33 PM 4/6/25 2.7M Views 133 17 9.2K 229K 7K ↑
  • 09
    Gf Be WILIN @gfbewilin "why do you keep looking at his location?" god forbid a girl likes geography • 3:39 AM 4/10/25 1.2M Views 78 11K 65K ☐ 2K
  • 10
    archie* @flodayaclarkes zepsia + @jessieswrldd.2d y'all think the actors ever read the script & are like this sh is so a 1:08 PM 4/5/25 11M Views 322 34K 484K ☐ 22K ↑
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    trash jones @jzux can't believe we used to throw eggs at houses and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses • 12:03 AM 4/6/25 619K Views 45 4.5K 38K ☐ 631 ↑
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    KILLER MEG (Interdimensional entity..) @horse_feedbag My banker just sent out a mass email starting with a Marcus Aurelius quote so I can't imagine things are very good 6:14 PM 4/4/25 546K Views 59 17 1.5K 32K 1.2K 企
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    rat @ratdent celebrating at my sewer tonight!!!! Qwhen is world rat day All Images News Videos Forums Web B World Rat Day > Date Fri, Apr 4, 2025 . 10:19 AM 4/4/25 254K Views 93 1.9K WORLD RAT DAY 04/04 12K 402 企
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    @buffys someone needs to blow up that hospital POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave. 1d 'Grey's Anatomy' has been renewed for Season 22. GREY'S ANATOMY 3:22 PM 4/3/25 14M Views 3K 17 34K Ma SCHEDUL 363K 6K .7
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    @Trulytreed our planet doesn't get heavier with buildings because all the materials used to build them were already here. OLA @danielholkss .3d Does anyone have any random fun facts about a very niche subject. I'm bored and love learning random things 8:47 PM 4/1/25 • 28M Views 1.1K 19.6K 83K ☐ 6.9K ↑
  • 16
    Miscounted Cash Flow @Miscountedcf The bartender at the microbrewery showing me the 100 ipas they serve right before I ask for a Guinness RESIDENT 7V35 4:44 PM 4/2/25 1.1M Views 67 17 2K UN Reciprocal Tarifs 37K ☐ 1.2K 企
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    The Chief t @C2thaL2thaIGG I had them wide backs at work MAD AF!!!!! Krispy Kreme DOUGHNUTS DOUGHNUTS & COFFEE SINCE 1937 APRIL FOOLS!! FUND ATING Y ELPING OTHERWILE SWEET Vegetable Tray 9:23 AM 4/2/25.4M Views 1.1K 9.2K 133K ☐ 6.1K
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    alli → @sonofalli babe are you ok? it's q2 and you've barely touched your "q1 roadmap" • 9:44 AM 4/1/25 658K Views 80 1 1.4K 18K ☐ 868
  • 19
    polycarp † @Monocarp An answer I received from a student on my most recent test Daw 7. In two or more semences, explain what a line-item veto is. Outstanding 8. Which level court is responsible for prosecuting Virginia felony cases when th case first goes to court? a. Federal court b. Virginia circuit court c. Virginia appeals court d. County/city court e. Virginia Supreme Court 9:50 PM 3/31/25 1.1M Views 92 t 1.1K 46K ☐ 2.5K ↑
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    michael @FilledwithUrine "april fools" so im a fool because you betrayed my trust? im a fool for holding what you say with complete sincerity? i'm not the fool, you are 11:06 PM 3/31/25.1M Views 62 17 10K 71K 3.2K 企
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    Mags @maggiemayyybe You're in his DMs, I'm also in his DMs, but being much, much weirder. 9:42 AM 3/31/25 43K Views • 66 17 87 1.2K ☐ 36 ↑
  • 22
    Chris @citehchris get me to god's country 8:45 AM 3/31/25 1.3M Views 72 14.2K chili's 50K ☐ 736 企
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    sam @samsgrs hi that was me i'm terrified John Mulaney @mulaney 12h Whoever took this photo of me on the autograph line outside of "All In” on Broadway in NYC on January 7th 2025, I need to speak with you right now. It's urgent. (You're not in trouble.) 6:35 PM 4/11/25 - 12M Views 527 12.2K 179K 14K ↑
  • 24
    charles r. davis @charizardavis practicing a little dutch for my trip to amsterdam and there is no way this language is real English where is the best gay bar 4) Dutch waar is de beste homobar AD 9:29 PM 4/7/25.472K Views 70 1 1.2K 31K 1K 企
  • 25
    Malik @MalikMcYeet Homie just found out he's having a son and he said he can't wait to put him in basketball. He's 5'7 and his girl 5'2 • 11:05 AM 4/11/25 1.4M Views 347 14.2K 85K 1.8K 企
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    a @aallleeexxxxxx1 it is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room 4:24 PM 4/9/25 762K Views ◇ 25 17 3.6K 45K 880 ↑
  • 27
    Jay Humor @jayweingarten After I drink coffee I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me. 5:54 PM 4/9/25 717K Views 38 17289 11K 300 ↑
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    Josh Trebach, MD @jtrebach *working in pediatrics ER* me: ...and what brings you here today? kid: mom: go on honey you can tell the doctor kid: i keep eating cookies till i throw up mom: ok for the record that's not why we are here but that is a problem • 12:04 PM 4/10/25 1.5M Views 111 [ 4.2K 120K 3.4K
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    Simulated Fleshnamics @fleshsimulator I put my younger brother in a laundry basket and slid him down the stairs headfirst into the wall once Hitchslap @Hitchslap1.2d First born children tend to have a slightly higher IQ than their siblings. The exact reason remains unclear. What can best explain this? . 11:01 AM 4/8/25 2.5M Views 358 13.4K 88K 2.2K ↑
  • 30
    Joe Bernstein @Bernstein Me to my 4 year old after my 2 year old kicks him in the face The White House @WhiteHouse. 3h DO NOT RETALIATE AND YOU WILL BE REWARDED 4:08 PM 4/9/25-561K Views 15 1 1K 18K 459 企
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    Nathan @OIuwatosin The most embarrassing work-related thing I've witnessed, is someone who forgot to stop sharing their screen on a call and was reading through the offer letter they just received from another company. 5:52 AM 4/7/25. 9.9M Views 571 7.1K 183K 9.5K
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    trash jones @jzux how it feels eating dinner when you're still kind of full from lunch 3:25 PM 4/11/25 674K Views • 15 17 2K 51K ☐ 929 企
  • 33
    LESEDI @_Hybreed_ The fork you use at the restaurant has been in Thousands of other people's mouths. Keabetswe @akreana_ · 4/5/25 Hit me with the harshest reality truth. 8:14 AM 4/5/25 8.7M Views 1.4K 14K 129K ☐ 5.9K ↑
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    naomi @lachancenaomi27 i bet they were easy books though moose @usermooseontwt. 2d This is the flex I like to see WORD I READ 1000 BOOKS 1000 BOOKS Before Kindergarten #1000BooksB4K "Th is i compa
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    NEW YORK KNICKS KNICKS @nyknicks DUN DUN. CELEBRITY ROW presented by Mrazr LA STRONG
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    Jozu @thaboyjozu i would've scored 2 million points Chris @PlayoffChris_ • 20h Jessica Alba is at the Laker game, no wonder Luka is going crazy. • 10:30 AM 4/12/25 · 1.3M Views 34 tz 2.5K 35K 651 企
  • 37
    Granite Man @GraniteDhuine People don't have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to. . 2:53 AM 4/11/25 9.2K Views 10 1790 366 ☐ 17 ↑
  • 38
    someone's mom @bustelo4babies My mother shall free me from the shackles of my own mind for my birthday Hey girl, what do you want for your birthday? To be freed from the prison of mental illness Okay you got it! 3:09 PM 4/11/25 51K Views 6 17203 Delivered 6.3K 66 企
  • 39
    East Village Guy ❤ @eastvillageguy Scammers are evolving I almost fell for this 11 3:19 . 5G+ +1 (437) 518-5189 Text Message • SMS Today 1:30 PM How about some braised pork rice. sound tempting? The sender is not in your contact list. Report Junk 12:24 PM 4/11/25 1.6M Views 80 13.6K 79K 1.2K ↑
  • 40
    Redd @ReddCinema an nba player salary is what you need to fund that hobby nowadays Travis @wydtravis_.1d NBA players being Lego nerds is the best development in league history Tik Tok @derecklivelyi 11:28 AM 4/11/25 .3M Views
  • 41
    @ratlimit @ratlimit wow this blew up AA i don't have anything to plug.
  • 42
    Adele Scalia @AdeleScalia My 8th grader has asked to go to a school sports event tonight. He's never done that before. The entire top floor of our house also smells like cologne as he gets ready to leave. I'm suspicious. . 5:53 PM 4/10/25 . 6M Views 322 17 2.6K 194K 4.5K 企
  • 43
    Cali @calidaysay No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap. 11:08 AM 4/11/25 - 12K Views 9 2108 358 23 ↑

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